Keep a diary
Make a note every time you are assaulted noting the day and time. That way you can easily recall what actually happened whether you are going to see the police or even if you are not ready to report such incidences. Do this only if it is safe to do so.
Tell someone
Tell a friend, a relative or someone at work what you’ve been exposed to. That way someone knows even if you don’t have the strength to do anything about it at the time.
Document your injuries
If you can, make notes and try to take photos of your injuries and keep in a safe place. If you see a doctor make sure he/she takes pictures too. Even if you’re not ready now those photos can be used the day you decide to take legal action to protect yourself.
He says this was the only/last time
Find a line of retreat so you can leave quickly if he assaults you again. Find out where you can go at any hour, maybe a friend, a relative or the social authorities. Ask your friend for a key to her house - that way you always have a place to go. Look up the nearest domestic violence service during office hours, or the police after hours. Remember that domestic violence is a pattern of abuse not a one off event. Unless the perpetrator seeks appropriate help, the behaviour will not stop. It will only get worse.
Contact a shelter/domestic violence service
At a Woman’s Shelter/Service you can talk to someone and get help if you so choose. The women you talk to will always listen, believe you and never question your experiences. You will not be asked to leave your partner! You will be given options for you to choose. In the Riverland, contact the Riverland Domestic Violence Unit. In Adelaide contact the Domestic Violence Crisis Service or the Domestic Violence Helpline.
Make a police report
Make it very clear that you won’t accept his behaviour. VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IS A CRIME. Reporting the perpetrator is crucial. Both for your sake and for the perpetrator to understand that what he did was a criminal offence. Many women do not take this option. We suggest seeking some counselling to at least work through the issues. You may report an incident to police without charging the perpetrator with the crime.
Domestic Violence Restraint Orders (DVRO)
A DVRO is a court order which forbids a person from behaving towards you in ways which may harass, threaten or abuse you or which may be violent. The perpetrator of such acts may be restrained from doing these things in the future. By giving a statement to police to apply for a DVRO remember that it is not a criminal offence. This will only occur if the perpetrator "breaches" the DVRO. Your case will be listed on the next court date. At this point in time you are not required to attend although this may change in the future. The Magistrate will give a court date for the perpetrator (defendant) to appear approximately one month from the date of the application. This date is to give the defendant a chance to agree or disagree with the terms of the DVRO. You do not have to attend this date. If the defendant disagrees with the terms, the case will go to trial at a later date.
An important note: A DVRO is a "State" order. It has nothing to do with Family Court decisions regarding childlren which comes under "Federal" law. A DVRO takes Family Court orders into consideration and in fact Family Court orders override DVRO terms.
If a DVRO is breached, you contact the local police.
If a Family Court order is breached you must seek advice from your lawyer.
Why does she stay?
It is important to keep in mind that verbal/financial/social abuse may start long before physical abuse. When physical abuse starts the perpetrator already has a “grip” on her. She truly believes herself to be helpless and useless and that she would be lost without him. She takes his point of view and assumes responsibility for the abuse – it’s all her fault and she’s a bad person. She starts to blame herself and it becomes vital to hide her shame to the rest of the world. This is why she can keep up appearances for years with no-one suspecting that she is experiencing abuse.
Violence and tenderness
The man is usually tender and kind in-between the physical abuse. He comforts her and tends to her injuries. This inconsistency makes the women focus on how kind he is rather than the fact that he abuses her.
Sexual power
Very often the physical assaults end with sexual intercourse. The woman chooses to accept intercourse rather than prolonging or intensifying the assault. This, by definition, is rape. Even so, women often don’t consider this rape. She may state that he never raped her but agrees that he usually wants to have sexual intercourse after assaulting her and that she goes along with it, not because she wants to, but to calm him down and put a stop the assault.
Don’t trust him when he says he’ll stop
A woman doesn’t necessarily have to be physically locked up to be a prisoner in her relationship. Fear, mental and physical exhaustion renders her incapable of leaving. To leave a man that is regularly abusive is not an easy thing to do. The woman needs plenty of help and support to rid herself of the grip he has on her and take control of her life again. Step by step and little by little she can prepare herself to leave.
What kinds of men abuse their partners?
No particular group. Judges, policemen, lawyers as well as unemployed alcoholics can commit domestic violence. Men who abuse women almost never confess to being perpetrators of domestic violence. They are convinced that there’s something wrong with their partner (or ex partner). Her behaviour causes the abuse in some way and he does not feel responsible for his actions. But the men still know that what they are doing is wrong – otherwise they’d be abusing her in broad daylight, for everyone to see. The man always has a choice, and he chooses to abuse his partner.
What kind of women are abused?
It could happen to anyone. The police often report domestic violence in connection with other crimes and from drug-environments in the course of their work. In well-to-do neighbourhoods the walls are thicker and the hedges higher but the violence is still there only not as visible.
How often do women report and give evidence against their perpetrators?
Women who report domestic violence are asking nothing more than their human rights. Assaulting someone is a crime. Women are more frequently than ever reporting abuse to the police.
